It seems I have lost a close friend. In the past few years many have lost friends to death, including me. In fact some attribute their loss to the so called vaccine, including me. I am not speaking of that kind of loss, but the loss based on rejection. The Amish call it shunning.
Early in the pandemic my husband and I experienced this with potential new friends. We were new residents of Portugal and had connected, on-line, with an ex-pat couple. We had arranged to meet them in person. As we approached them, they announced, with big smiles, that they were both vaccinated. No doubt, reassuring us that it was safe to sit across from them in the sunny outdoor cafe. We stopped dead in our tracks and informed them that we were not. An ackward, short and never to be repeated encounter ensued. Another couple that we had befriended, broke up with us via email. A third example happened during an ex-pat Thanksgiving dinner. After something my husband said, the host asked in horror “Are you an anti-vaxxer!?”.
In 2020 I had two volunteer jobs. One was delivering meals to homebound elderly and disabled. When the pandemic began, as instructed, I wore disposable gloves and masks, bagged the meal, hung it on the door knob, rang the bell and stood back waiting for the hand to reach out and grab it. In 2021 I called the office to inform them that I would be gone for a few months, traveling to Portugal. The lady I spoke with was intrigued and asked that I keep her updated on my travel adventures. For the next six months we had frequent exchanges. We arranged to meet in person upon my return. When the time came, however, she discovered I was unvaccinated and said she could not ‘take the risk’, nor was I now welcome to deliver any meals.
In my other volunteer job I worked in a garden that donates all the food grown to the needy. My long timeTuesday teammate was duly vaccinated. When I returned to the US he felt it was safe to allow me to continue in the garden provided we kept a safe distance. His new teammate did not feel the same. So another door closed.
I come from a family of six children. The oldest died of cancer thirty years ago. My youngest brother died less than a month ago. He was the only one of my remaining siblings with whom I had a relationship. Two have not spoken or communicated with me for over a year and one in over two years.
My sister, who has Rheumatoid Arthritus, decided I was persona non grata one year ago. She has a number of “nurse friends” that she relies on for health information. A couple of years ago, we made an agreement not to talk about vaccines. It was clear to her that I did not know what I was talking about. Her “nurse friends” were keeping her well informed on the topic. For a while, this arrangement worked well, but as I was gradually emerging from the blue bubble, things were bound to disintegrate. On Christmas day 2023, she began railing against Republican Senator Ron Johnson. Instead of agreeing with her, as she expected, I told her how much I admired Senator Johnson and in fact that he was a hero to me. The conversation did not end well. It was our last conversation. From what she has told me in the past, she is not comfortable around Americans who are not Democrats. In keeping with this mentality, one of her favorite TV personalities, Joy Reid, in 2024 had advised people to exclude any Trump supporters from the Thanksgiving meal. This surely reinforced my sister’s decision to end our relationship.
I have tried with my brothers to avoid conversations that might trigger them. My older brother and I talked about the vaccine as it was being rolled out. I had decided not to take it. When the recommended shots rose to three, I unwisely asked him how many he would keep getting. The conversation did not end well. That was over two years ago. About the same time I had a conversation with my younger brother that ended similarly. I did not want to loose connection with either of them. I sent them both letters telling them that I loved them and that we could try and avoid topics that we don’t agree on. For some reason, this angered my older brother, but my younger brother and I resumed communication. That worked until the day the conversation turned to RFK Jr. He yelled that he did not know anything about Kennedy. I calmly responded “I know you don’t”. Click.
The close friend that I spoke about when I began this post, is someone that I believed would be a friend for life. We met about twenty-five years ago at a dog park. Even our dogs became best friends. We spent holidays together. I financially supported her efforts to become a nutritionist. Our husbands were good friends. When I talked about my child’s vaccine injury she seemed extremely supportive and caring. After she left the state of CA we were in frequent contact. Signs of a fracture in our heretofore solid friendship began early in the COVID era. Once I tried to tell her about Ivermectin, she responded with unsuppressed disgust , “I would never take that s**t”. I dropped it. We never directly discussed my changing politics. Once or twice I told her about an interesting person I had heard on The Joe Rogan podcast. They were interviews that did not touch on politics or vaccines. By this time, I knew better than that. Still the response was stoney silence. In yet another conversation I talked about the book “Good Energy” by Dr. Casey Means. Again she showed no interest, but later in the conversation she tossed in a remark about how she was “not swayed by the latest book that comes out”. I did not respond. When I would write to her or call her it was longer and longer before she would respond back. During this last year she revealed to me that both she and her husband, who had always been in amazing physical shape, now had serious health concerns. It crossed my mind that they were vaccine injured, but neither she nor I brought it up. Later she seemed to downplay this revelation and not want to talk about it. In our final conversation, she discussed stress regarding financial concerns and to my utter shock and horror, said that both of them had considered suicide. After the conversation ended, I wrote to her trying to suggest ways out of the financial situation and trying to reason with her about them contemplating such extreme measures. Silence. Even an angry response to which I could have apologized would have been less dismissive.
This shunning has hurt. Everyone who chose not to take the COVID vaccine has experienced this, be they famous, rich or just an average person. For a while I hoped that people would wake up and some might even apologize. Now I have reached a point of acceptance. I wonder, had I not had a vaccine injured child, would I act like them? I hope not. I have friends who did not turn their backs on me even though they firmly hold different views, be they political or health. As I move on in life, my goal is to accept and respect others without hiding who I am.
